Passion, Satisfaction, Ordination

My mom’s old therapist once told her she would never be at peace. He told her, “You are too passionate to be entirely fulfilled.” Whether this is sound reasoning and, more importantly, appropriate advice for therapists to give their clients, is certainly up for debate. But it stuck with me.

I am a lot like my mom. A younger version of myself would have hated that statement, but now I think it is 1) a good thing cause she is awesome and 2) to be expected. I have often wondered how that statement of permanent unfulfillment might apply to me.

I have spent a lot of years feeling soul-crushingly dissatisfied. I also spent a lot of years in adolescence, so I imagine that has something to do with it. Weirdly, though, this has brought a lot of good into my life. I feel much more fulfilled in my life now than I used to, though still not entirely (if that is even possible). I wonder if this is due to some revolutionary groundbreaking zest for life that only comes with time or if the things in my life have gotten better. Probably somewhere in the middle.

But still. My dissatisfaction has gotten me a lot of things I want, though only when I choose to do something about it. I used to do nothing about it. So I stayed dissatisfied. I do something about it some of the time now, and I like the direction my life is headed. If I were to have lived a life where I have been entirely satisfied I theorize I would not do many things.

It makes sense that I have been dissatisfied in the past. There wasn’t much going on. I have only been alive for 18 of the longest and shortest years in the entirety of all history ever. You can only do and experience so much in 18 long-short years.

Something I have done recently that I found satisfying was become an ordained minister. After approximately one laborious minute in which I entered my full name and email, I have finally connected with the big man upstairs. My weekend plans are officiating my friend’s wedding with 1/15th of her polycule, that being a package of tinned fish. I look forward to their harmonious matrimony.